So much....

to be thankful for. So much to pray about. So much that I can't sleep. Tomorrow, well I guess it's actually this morning, we take Toby for his ENT/Audiology appt. at CHOP. He is well into his therapy and is doing well. We love Maria, his regular therapist and she is so good for him. God certainly knew what he was doing by putting her with Toby. But, I've got to confess, I'm tired. I'm down right exhausted with things right now. This just hasn't been a good week. The pressures of life right now, plus the added "stress" of Toby's quirkiness is really weighing in. We just want to help him and when communication with your two-year-old is limited to less than what you can do with a 12-18 month-old, it gets very frustrating. All I can do is give it to God and sometimes cry with him.
It all became very evident this week how stuck I feel. And I have guilt over that, lots of guilt, because I don't want it to be about me at all. Without sleep Toby really can't function. If he doesn't get his nap, it effects the whole family. And when I say nap, I mean like three hours. So, if I go out in the morning with him, he will definitely fall asleep in the car, which ruins his nap (I have never been successful in transferring him to his bed). If he doesn't get a nap, the rest of the day is shot! It is such a vicious cycle. If we do go out with him, it usually has to be after his nap in the afternoon. We usually choose not to go places if he hasn't napped b/c really what is the point? I also feel bad, but it is so hard to go to other people's houses. I can't sit down and have a conversation, b/c I can't just tell him to stay in a certain area or not to go upstairs, etc. If we get together with people, I might be able to sit and finish one or two sentences if he is in his own environment with his toys, etc. I don't blame him - not in the least. In fact, in the last three months I feel as though I have learned more about God and life from those sweet blue eyes and his "language." I have learned about perseverance, appreciating the small successes, and seeing God's hand in all things. It's just hard.
I know it won't be like this forever, but trying to do what's best for him seems to keep us at home more than I would like. So if we turn down an invitation, please don't take it personally. If you don't see us at Bible class or another church activity, know that we are doing one at home and that we are trying to do what's best for the family. Please love our Toby and all his quirks because he is fearfully and wonderfully made. All of them are. And pray for us that God will give us the strength we need to get through each day, giving each of our boys what they need. Amazingly Ayden and Levi have always just had an understanding about Toby. That is God right there....they are so good to him and he loves his big brothers and wants to do everything that they do. And thank God that CJ is a good sleeper at night and is such a happy baby most times. I am one blessed Momma.
Please also pray for Shawn right now. Still unemployed - it's wearing on him. God has a plan for that too - we know - but it is hard to wait.
Blessings on you - what can I pray for for you?